Don't You Need Somebody To Love

Why do we enter the relationships we are in, and why do we stay in them?  Now, first off, this may sound like a crappy rerun of "Sex and the City", but I found myself considering it the other day.

JP and Kerry announced their engagement last week, and it brought Dave and I to talk about how many friends we have who are part of couples, and how many lovely, healthy couples we know.  Maybe it's the age we're getting to, maybe we know a lot of lucky people and are fortunate ourselves...

I feel very lucky to have met Dave.  I truly feel that with him I want to be the best version of myself I can be, and he is a source of constant encouragement and support. I don't want this post to be a smug detailing of how great Dave and I are as a couple. I guess what I want to say here is that I feel like I am with someone who shares interests and passions, loves, supports, compliments and challenges me, who I have fun with, and this is so great and so lucky, because I would not settle for less.

There is a common phenomenon that exists with both men and women.  It is the need for "someone". Not a particular person, just being in a relationship with someone, so that they are not alone.  I have known and know people who have been or are in this situation, and the reasons vary.  Due to low self esteem, many feel like they should take what they can get, even if the person is not right for them, has no character and/or has wronged them in the past. Some common statements may be,

"I can't do any better,"

"My partner may change in time,"

"There's nothing really wrong with my partner, he/she is a nice person,"

"If I leave it means I wasted all that time I spent with them,"

"They put up with me, I'm lucky,"

"I can't be alone/single,"

"It's better than nothing,"

I don't know, I just think that this is being with someone, being with anyone, and for the wrong reasons. I might sound preachy, apologies there, but to me, if a person is making these statements it indicates that they should be alone, spending some time discovering things about themselves, taking care of themselves, possibly healing themselves so that they can be an independent person and then perhaps meet someone who is a good match.  This might sound harsh, but when I think of my relationship with Dave I am happy to realize that I don't need him because I need a relationship with someone.  I am with him because I love him and want him to be around, with me, and the feelings are mutual.

In the past I have made some questionable choices in terms of who I would choose to spend my time with, romantically, and in friendship.  I discovered that I would rather be alone than settle down with someone who is not right for me.