Home Is Where the Heart Is...

I spend a lot of time thinking about Montreal. About everyone who is there now, about people who might be visiting and when. About the small possibility of living there again someday. Mostly, about when I can go next.  Now, most of wanting to go is because I miss people and want to see them. However, there is another component to my constant preoccupation, and that is guilt. My cousin just announced that he got married. He was my best friend as a teenager, and into my twenties. I never even heard from him about being engaged. I heard about his new marriage on Facebook, and it kind of crushed me. 

It's undeniable that I'm far away, and I have a persistent feeling that I'm missing things. And I can't help it. I made a decision to live here at a time in my life where I think that was right, a time where I should have made a change, experienced some new things. This is all very logical. Emotions, irrational or not, don't respond to logic very well unfortunately. The result? Wanting to be in two places at once, which is impossible. Feeling that I'm not doing a good enough job for people on either side of the world, which is frustrating and exhausting. I know, at least I hope, that the people I love on the other side of the world don't hold my decisions against me, and that all of this is coming from me. I think about all the turmoil that goes on in my head and my heart and it makes me feel helpless. And then, there's the other part of me, and that's the part of me that's...Not angry, maybe indignant. That besides my parents, who have done so much to support me and see me in Montreal, nobody has put any plans in motion to come visit me. I know in a lot of cases, that's probably not fair. But like I said, rationality and emotion are often at odds with one another in my life.

It's taken almost three years, and I have always liked it here, but now I finally feel like I have a real life here, and I'm happy. I've got a 'real' job, one that I can't just run out on anytime, teaching high school. Instead of making myself as scarce as possible socially, I am organizing nights out and get-togethers. I played social soccer. I think I've joined a band!  I think a part of me resisted a lot of that, almost as if I was being unfaithful to my other friends, to my family, if I got too involved here. And once I settled here, it was like there would be no way to turn back. I guess I know now that it's not necessarily so cut and dry. Dave and I are a team. We could move back to Canada. We could stay here. But we have to be together and sure about what we do. I don't have any regrets, although I wish it was easier, that I didn't always see time flying by, and see life as a constant decision. I'm not so sure about what triggered this train of thought here. Maybe it's always an underlying current in my thoughts.

Two Weeks To Go!

Last week. It just dragged and dragged. Even though I wasn't even at work on Monday because I was sick, it was still a long, long week. Reports are due, and I need to write heaps of comments. Almost done! The kids are getting really restless - they are over it. The year 10s have had their big exams, then went off to a week of work experience. They were really unmotivated when they came back to school.  The year 11s had two weeks of exams where they had no classes. They are also annoyed with being back at school, and they are already apathetic as it is! Year 8s have been fine. Hopefully the atmosphere will be better next week. If I hear "Can we just do nothing today, Miss?" one more time...grrrrrrr!

Dave's done week 1 of his second prac, and he's doing really well. He had a surprise when he arrived Monday morning - his mentor teacher's father had passed away, and under the sad circumstances, she was going to be away for the week. Dave took all the classes, and really took control of the situation instead of doing what I think many people would do, which is panicking, calling the uni/prac coordinators saying they can't deal with it and/or demanding a change, or just getting a relief teacher in and sitting around all week. I was so proud of Dave.

Dave and I were considering going to Vietnam for the holidays, but have decided to stay in WA instead, and have a relaxing holiday down south. We're going to do Vietnam when we've planned it better, and hopefully travel from Hanoi down to Bangkok in Thailand for a few weeks. I'm looking forward to our holiday - we'll be celebrating our 4-year anniversary, which is fantastic.

Weekend was good! Friday night Dave and I went for dinner at Richard and Ash's place.  They're really great, it was cool to be able to spend some time with them.  Ash made a delicious lasagna, garlic bread and salad. We had some wine and I made white chocolate and honeycomb mousse for dessert. On Saturday Dave and I hung out, watched a DVD, Dave did some work on his music, I played some piano and did some cleaning; our bathroom was out of control! We went out for a delectable Japanese dinner at Yuzu right across the street and then we got ready and went to the upstairs bit at the Flying Scotsman - we had a 2-hour DJ set, wooohoooo! I think we played a really good set - lots of rock and roll, people dancing, no moments where the songs you've chosen just doesn't work. Dave and I take turns, we go song for song, it's really a great time. I look forward to the next time we're there, it's in a couple of weeks. Hopefully we can get some of our friends down for that one.

Oh, I'm not ready for a new week. But it's going to happen whether I like it or not!

I forgot about this!

This is such a bizarre video. And Ivan Rebroff is the soundtrack! Check it out.

http://rathergood.com/vid

Book Review: "Chasing Harry Winston" by Lauren Weisberger

Now I suspected as much, but I still had to double check to find out that Harry Winston was an American jeweler, and the Harry Winston empire is known for diamonds. Uh Oh.  I got this book from the library. I quite enjoyed "The Devil Wears Prada" and wondered what the author was writing now. I wish I hadn't.

Quick plot synopsis: three women, each around 29. They are friends. Leigh is an overachieving and not overly successful editor at a publishing house who is dissatisfied with her romantic relationship, so she screws the author of the book she's editing. Adrianna is Brazilian American.  She doesn't work, lives in her parents' apartment in Manhatten and literally screams and throws tantrums when they want to stay in their own apartment when they come to visit.  Emmy has recently been broken up with after a 5 year relationship. The guy, Duncan, leaves her to be with a 22-year old virgin cheerleader (??) and Emmy is surprised and upset even though they guy cheated on her throughout their relationship.  Her solution? To take a job traveling and have sex with as many men as she can.

Now, I appreciate all kinds of literature, and this includes what we call 'chick lit'. I loved Bridget Jones, The Shopaholic series, and many more. I even like teen chick lit, like Gossip Girl and the Au Pairs. It's all good, silly fun, and can even be clever when done right.

Unfortunately, this is not the case in terms of "Chasing Harry Winston".  Technically, the book didn't work.  It jumped all over the place and ended abruptly.  It seemed as though Weisberger was trying to write like Candace Bushnell, with less than desirable results. Even though it was a short read, I found myself finding it hard to get through it; The three main characters are superficial in terms of character development and still unlikeable. They are always talking about how 'old' they are and bitching about not having a rock on their finger. Leigh has a boyfriend who seems like one of the only decent characters in the story, yet she cringes at the thought of being with him any longer. He proposes to her, and instead of telling him she doesn't want to marry him, she acts like a bitch for months, and then cheats on him. Lovely. Adrianna doesn't contribute to the story. We just hear about how hot she is and how she could get any man even though she is 'almost thirty'. The author has made her an ethnic character, and she is stereotyped to the point of ridiculousness. It drove me nuts. She said "querida" in almost every sentence she uttered. You know, because that's the way all Brazilians have to speak.  

I found the book more than a little insulting as a woman.  It's unsettling that Weisberger has fed the false notion that a woman is virtually useless once she turns thirty if she hasn't landed a man and a rock. Emmy's character is absolutely obsessed with getting married and having a baby.  In one cringe-worthy scene, a waiter asks if she would like anything else, and Emmy replies "A husband? A baby? Some sort of life? Any of THOSE on the menu?" What decade are we in here?  A woman's sexual liberation is great as well, but when Emmy decides to sleep with people to get over her boyfriend, all she does is refer to herself as a slut, calling her new way of being the 'Tour de Whore" (ew). Through Adrianna Weisberger has created a stereotype of a woman who sleeps with men to validate her attractiveness and doesn't support herself financially.  Thank you, Ms. Weisberger, for giving us another nice big step back.  If a man had written this book, people would have been outraged!

I guess I don't have to say that I don't recommend this book.

Prank Calls

I don't know what it is, but for some reason, prank calls REALLY do it for me. I know, I know. I'm 28 years old. I'm a teacher. I'm an adult and therefore supposedly mature. But a good prank call is just amazing.  As a little kid, Liz and I would prank call random numbers. We would wait for the person to answer and usually do something like yell "Penis!" before hanging up and dissolving into hysterical laughter.  Our best one was probably "It's raining dicks!" Very imaginative, I know. I remember when I was a teenager, Jill and I would spend ages prank calling the guys we had crushes on. We'd ask them if they wanted to go bra shopping, or just say random things. We'd try to figure out if there was any way they were interested in us (nope). Sahira and I would prank call ex-boyfriends (hers, I didn't really have any). She was great, and could keep them on for ages. he would have to hang up first most of the time!  Don't worry though, I have not made or witnessed a prank call in a long time. I don't really know why I'm writing about this. It's just a little something about me that's a little strange.  Seriously, if you're stressed or a bit down, go to youtube and watch a few. The soundboard ones are pretty great. I'm listening to one right now...

Weekend Fun

So another week at school has flown by.  Next week is going to be an easy one.  All my 10s and 11s are out of school for exams and work experience, leaving me with 1-2 classes a day. I will get reliefs, but I don't have to plan for those. It's great to have an easy week in store, especially since the wonderful car I was driving is gone! Noooooooooo!

The week flew by, and then so did the weekend. Friday night Dave had work.  Dave's mom came from Bunbury because Dave's dad came back from China Saturday night. While Dave was at work, we got delicious Goreng and rented 'Marley & Me'. It's a movie that I would never have picked to watch, but I ended up enjoying it, and getting teary at the end. It reminded me of Sparkle, and what a big part of my family's life she was. She was just a lovely little dog. I have so many fond memories of her.

Saturday got up and went to the library. Hung out during the day, watched "Revolutionary Road", a movie with some great filming and an interesting mood, but I wasn't a fan of Leonardo Dicaprio's acting. That evening Dave and I were deejaying at Flying High for a birthday party.  Lots of people were there, and dancing. When we were done we hung out there and had a couple of drinks.  Good night. We hadn't eaten any supper that evening, I had four drinks total and ended up pretty loaded! What a lightweight, it's embarrassing! I was determined to call Logan, but couldn't work the phone. Yikes. Dave, the best boyfriend in the world put me to bed. Woke up this morning ravenous, and was happy to eat a big lunch at the Scotto! It was good to see Dave's dad back safe and sound (even if he had to take the car away). Watched "Extras" and some prank call videos with Dave. SO not ready for the work week, but I guess it's coming no matter how much I try to resist it!

How Much You Change

I got this idea from Suzanne. These are email survey questions, first answered by me in 2003.  I'm answering them again, in 2009...

My old questions are in red, the new ones in blue.

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

Somewhere where it doesn't get cold, like Australia.

Well, looks like I got the Australia part right, because I live there now, although I have yet to build a house. And it does get relatively cold here, especially considering that the houses aren't heated.  Where would I build a house now? Either here in Perth or Montreal.

2.. WHAT'S THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT?

Damn...I've been a bad girl lately with my downloading. It was probably either Eminem's last album, or NOFX: Ribbed. My old ghetto casette of that album broke.

I didn't buy Eminem's new album this time around. I think the last CD I bought was Patsy Cline.

3. WHERE'S YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE TO BE?

Clyde's. hahahahahahaaaaaa. Jus' kidding, suckas. For real? In bed. Now stop thinking dirty, I am talking about sleeping!!! haha. Other than that, I don't think it's really where you are, it's who you're with.

I still really like being in bed, especially when it's cold outside and you're snuggled under the covers. my favourite place to be? At home. And I still think it's not where you are, it's who you're with.

4. WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE PLACE TO BE?

In a bad state of mind.

I agree with this.

5. WHAT TIME DO YOU AWAKEN IN THE MORNING?

I don't really wake up in the morning. haha. I usually wake up after noon. 

Wow, the life of a bar employee...Now on weekdays I wake up at 6:30. 

6. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?

Dishonesty, not getting what I want or have worked/waited for (I know, I'm a brat), Ignorance with no desire to improve, waiting for the bus, myself in general sometimes, people in general sometimes, work sometimes, assumptions, etc...etc...

Not getting what I want no matter how hard I try and plan. Waiting for things. Being freezing. When the kids don't do the right thing. Wasting of time. Some past situations I still fume about.

7. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I'd play the piano well.

I would still play the piano well. I would love to learn the violin and the guitar.

8. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Teleportation!

I would still choose teleportation, because I miss so many people, and it takes so long to get to them.

9. HOTTEST CELEBRITY?
Guys, you know my answer. The real Slim Shady of course!

Now I'm thinking more along the lines of Christian Bale and Paul Rudd.

10. THE FARTHEST YOU'VE TRAVELLED AWAY FROM HOME?

Dominican Republic!

I would say here, in Perth. But well, it is my home now. The questions gets tricky.

11. PRIVATE SCHOOL OR PUBLIC?

I never went to private school. I would say public, who cares about high school! 

"Who cares about high school"? Well, obviously the joke's on me at this point, because now I'm a high school teacher. And I care about high school.

12. ALTERNATIVE OR COUNTRY?: 

Alternative. Country is pretty much the only type of music that I really can't seem to get into.

I still like my 'alternative' music, but a couple of years ago I started getting into country music and I really like it now.

13. WHO MAKES YOU LAUGH THE MOST? 

Well, there's Sahira, and Christina and I can go on some hilarious tangents.

Dave can really make me laugh. There's Moe, Caroline, Gaby's a riot! I have not spoken to Sahira or Christina in years. Christina and I were going to get together last year but it didn't pan out. With Sahira, let's just say I don't want to go through that again.

14. WORST HABIT: 

Drinking, swearing and smoking.

Procrastination. I don't smoke anymore, and I wouldn't say my drinking is a "habit", since I don't drink very often.

15. WHO DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH?: 

Obviously my family and good friends...Romantically, that has not been established!!

I would very happily spend the rest of my life with Dave. He makes me happy.

16. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? 

Well, I worked until a bit after midnight at Clydes, then I had a couple of Jack & Cokes, a beer or 2, then I went to my friend Eric's house and we watched some of "Platoon". After that, it's none of yo' business!! hehee. 

Wow, that's a person I haven't heard of for a long time. Last night I came home from work, made dinner. Dave and I watched a movie together, I did some marking and went to sleep. Now, I'm not that settled every night, but weeknights I definitely am. Tonight Dave and I are deejaying at the bar for a birthday party, should be great.

17. DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?: 

Nope.

Yes, it's been almost 4 years.

18. WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF? 

So much! Not getting a good job, losing people, the future in general, relationships…and bugs, there’s always bugs.

I'm scared of losing people. Of drifting apart from friends and family and not seeing them enough. Still afraid of bugs.

19. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?: 

hahaha, me getting married, that’s funny.

It's less funny now I think. I would probably want to at my parents' place in Canada, where it could be beautiful, but lots of fun. I'm not into anything overly fancy, but I would like a good time to be had by everybody. Since I live here now, I would like to have some sort of celebration here as well.

20. IF YOU COULD CHANGE SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF?

I would stand up for myself more and me more self-assured.

I would still be more self-assured if I could. I constantly work on my shyness as well. I would be more decisive. I would stop procrastinating.

21. FAVOURITE BOYS' NAMES: 

um, Cameron, Gray, Kristof, Edward, Drew

I like James, Darcy and Thomas.

22. FAVOURITE GIRLS' NAMES: 

Nicole, Cameron, Anne, Nora, Nathalia

Elizabeth, Abigail, Anne, Jane, Laura.

23. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: 

don’t think so

I am in love.

24. FAVOURITE ANIMAL: 

Bunnies!!!

Still Bunnies.

25. BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: 

I don’t know what the “best feeling in the world” is yet I don’t think. But I mean, based on personal experience, I would say being with friends, walking outside on a summer evening, listening to beautiful music, being with someone you like, sleeping, etc……….

Being with the person you love. Seeing people you care about after a long time. Doing something you're proud of. Watching someone you love being happy. beautiful music, sunshine, rest, being free of angst.

26. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: 

I don’t think I know the “worst feeling in the world” either. But again, I would say when you can’t get out of depression and it confuses you, when you lose someone, when you regret something…and when you are too drunk. Hehe.

Still don't know the 'worst feeling in the world;, thank goodness. I think it would be losing people you love, having your heart broken, feeling completely lost and unhappy with your life.

27. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED?: 

Hee hee, um, let’s just say his initials are E.B.

Haven't seen E.B. in...probably over 5 years. The last person I've kissed for the past 4 years has been D.O. :)

28. WHO DO YOU WANT TO MEET?: 

Eminem!!!! And Madonna.

Bret Easton Ellis.

29. WHO DO YOU MISS?: 

Renske, Sparkle, Cat, Jill, Cam

Same people as above, with my family and all my friends in Montreal and scattered all over Canada and the USA.

30. WHO HOLDS YOUR HEART:

Nobody. Ewwwww, imagine if someone actually held your heart? How would they get it?

Was I witty, or what? 

31. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO MARRY? 

I can’t picture myself getting married.

I love Dave and can picture myself marrying him. I'm lucky enough to be with him.

32. GOT IN A FIST FIGHT?: 

I got in a fight in the 8th grade with this guy who was harassing my friend. I wanna fight, yeah

What was with me in 2003? I hate fighting, it's silly. And not ladylike.

33. MADE PRANK PHONE CALLS: 

I don’t know why, but prank phone calls really do it for me. I can’t make them myself cause I laugh hysterically, but I love watching others do it!!!!

I think prank phone calls are hysterical, and I have so many fond memories of Jill and I prank calling "Simba" or "Votarist"!

34. WHAT DO YOU CARRY IN YOUR BAG? 

My wallet (with cards, money, etc.), my cigarettes (Avanti or DuMaurier light), matches, my cell phone, L'oreal line Intensifique eyeliner, clean & clear oil blotting sheets, lip gloss (Lip Smackers Dr. Pepper and Lancome juicy tubes), a pen, a hair elastic, little mp3 player, a tampon, Dentyne Ice gum, a mini perfume sample thingy (right now Amarige by Givenchy). Give or take a few items.

My wallet, my phone, face powder, lip gloss, a pen, a hair elastic, ipod. I don't carry or smoke cigarettes anymore, there's a big difference.

35. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE MOST PROUD OF? 

I don’t know…the school thing, quitting my job. Haha, I know that sounds weird.

Going out on my own to a new place, becoming a teacher, sorting myself out in most areas and making good choices for myself.

36. WHAT ONE THING WOULD YOU LIKE TO ACCOMPLISH IN YOUR LIFE? 

One thing? Man, I really don’t know! I would like to be comfortable and happy sometime.

I feel like I am happy now. I would like to write a book.